About the Family

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1. Be predictable. When do seeds of suspicion emerge? When one begins to think, why is she doing that? She's never done that before. That's so unlike her.

Be spontaneous consistently! Be true to who you've always been and be that consistently, whoever you happen to be!

2. Inform your lover when you grow to be "unpredictable." No one goes through life the same person. We all make shifts and changes.

3. Be sure your words match the message. Mean what you say and say what you mean. When your significant other hears one thing within your words but your tone of voice, mannerisms and facial expressions are really saying something else, you open the relationship to some crazy days.

4. Believe the other person is competent. I hear this phrase very often: "But, I don't want to hurt her." A couple things are at play here. First of all, he may not have the skill of confronting his partner with the truth in a way that can bring reconciliation and understanding. He believes truth telling is harmful or entails some sort of drama. Neither is true. The truth is never destructive and can be conveyed in loving ways.

5. Be very careful with keeping secrets. I'm not saying that you have to divulge the twenty three secrets of your illicit past behaviors. If you have resolved those, learned from them and had been able to use them to make the internal shifts necessary for personal development, they don't qualify.

However, if a secret takes up room, still has an emotional charge and holds you back from disclosing yourself in the growing stages of intimacy, you have a problem that needs to be addressed with your partner.

6. Discover your personal need system. Dig beneath the surface, then say to him: "I will need x, y and z. I have to talk to you about them. I would really like us to work out a way so my requirements are met. Are you open to that?" He is empowered to say yes or no. You respond, "I am very interested in hearing what is important to you."

7. Express who you are. It is quite sad to see those in relationships of emotional investment hold back from enabling the other person know who they actually are. You develop trust in a relationship by entrusting yourself to the other person.

8. Learn to say no! Saying no sets boundaries around you that protects you from being hurt or venturing into territory that can be destructive to your heart and soul. To some, this seems extreme, but saying no is respected.

9. Charge Neutral. If your significant other expresses something strongly, charge neutral. Don't speak with a charge to your voice. Say what you must say, state the truth and do it directly and calmly. Your partner will love the fact that she can trust you consistently to operate from your "quiet center." Stay engaged, not back down and speak the truth with conviction and calmness.

10. Then finally, a lot of dating gurus advise people to dig into the dirt. Romantic relationships of emotional investment bring trials, tribulations, fears, chaos, turmoil, change, stretching and growth. They become the grist from which your life is shaped and formed. Be fearless when faced with turmoil, upset, crisis, questions, and uncertainties.

Embrace the difficult and when in doubt seek the guidance of a dating guru by exploring, "hwo to attract women". When you are able to believe and trust these ultimate purposes, trusting your significant other will be that much easier.

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